Wizarding Times

The sun was shining brightly in Hogsmeade that summer day. Cosmo Brown sat in the Three Broomsticks, wondering how long her friend would be. She wanted to get her knitting out (there was a great lacy sock she was working on, a perfect bit of warm weather knitting), but there was a screech owl hooting impatiently to deliver its letter, and she didn't think it would welcome the sight of sharp sticks. She reached for the letter, but the owl nipped at her hand; that's when she noticed the letter had the name "Tarma Black" scrawled across it.

Cosmo turned to look out the open window, checking for signs of her friend. She looked in the direction of Zonko's Joke Shop, one of Tarma's favorite places, but she saw no one. Cosmo checked her watch; she still had several minutes before Tarma would be late late. No knitting, and no Tarma. "No fun," she thought.

All of sudden, there was a popping sound outside of the door and a voice said excitedly, "Cosmo, guess what they have at Zonko's!! A new version of stink pellets; they are time delayed so you can set them in place and then, after a certain time, they explode, when one is way out of the way! Isn't that cool? We can set them in place... in the student council meeting." Tarma came walking into the Three Broomsticks, beaming.

"I didn't hear that last part. I did not hear that last part. At all."

"Not only that," Tarma continued, "but there are... um, different stenches of stink pellets available now. Some are rotten cabbage, some are essence of skunk, and some are rancid manure."

"Before you get too wrapped up in your, ahem, interesting smells, could you see to this owl? It's been giving me a look for the last five minutes, and I don't dare get my knitting out until it's gone."

Tarma leaned in to examine the owl, still excited about her Zonko's discovery. "Have you ordered our drinks yet?"

Cosmo put her hands to her ears with a "La, la, la, not listening!"

However, Tarma was not so easily dissuaded. "I said, 'Have you ordered yet?!' I wonder what this owl wants?"

"Well, open the letter and find out."

Tarma took the letter from the owl's outstretched leg and thanked it as it hooted and flew out the open window. She opened the envelope, pulled out a piece of parchment and started reading. "Holy billywigs!" she exclaimed, collapsing in her chair, which was, luckily, in position beneath her.

Cosmo, looking in her bag for her knitting, asked, "What's up?"

Unfortunately, Tarma was in shock; she couldn't quite put together normal sentences. "Head Girl. You knew? I was asked to be Head Girl."

"You were? That's awesome! And, no, I hadn't been told a thing."

"I am in shock a bit 'cause I thought Ulol was putting me in detention." Indeed, Tarma resembled a ghost in her paleness.

"Dude, you're, like, top of the list, in my book," Cosmo nodded.

"Aw, thanks." Tarma straightened up in her chair, and her face had colour again. In fact, she was thinking of the new dung bombs in Zonko's. "What do you want me to order?" she asked, grinning.

"The new Head Girl is treating? Great. I'll have a lemonade, then."

"And I'm going to get a celebratory firewhiskey," Tarma said as she stood up.

"Yeah, good luck with that."

"Hey, I'm of age!"

Cosmo sighed happily as Tarma went to buy their drinks. Of course, she was excited that Tarma was recognized with a Head Girl badge, but she would be lying if she wasn't glad to have someone else to hand off the running of the Student Committee Meetings. Not that that was the only thing Head Girls did, but she was sure the prefects were tired of hearing her voice every month.

Tarma came prancing back to the table, with the lemonade and a very small firewhiskey. "Hey! They let me have it!" She grinned with glee and sat down at the table after handing Cosmo her lemonade. Tarma then took a sip, and her face turned alarmingly red and she started coughing.

Cosmo couldn't help herself — she burst out laughing.

"HOLY BLAZING COW AND BILLYWIGS, TOO!" Tarma finally was able to gasp. She took a few deep breaths of air before managing to say, "That's good stuff."

"Just promise me one thing, Tarma," Cosmo began as Tarma wiped her eyes with a handkerchief, "don't have any of that stuff before a Student Committee meeting. It would take hours for you to get us through the agenda."

"Don't worry, I might stick to butterbeer for a while longer." Tarma paused for a moment, suddenly realizing exactly what she heard. "What do you mean, 'get us through the agenda'? WHAT?"

"Like I'm letting you get out of leading meetings," Cosmo said. "Do I look like a first year?"

"No way... no way am I leading a meeting, I'm not even a Head Girl yet." Clearly, Tarma was looking for any excuse to avoid leading the monthly Student Committee meetings.

"You're as good as. Besides, I can't control the prefects on my own."

Tarma would not be swayed from the point. "I don't even know what they do. What do they do? What do you do? Oh! Do you have access to the staffroom? I mean, you can go in there, right?" A small smile started building across Tarma's face.

"Yeah, you'll get a key to the staffrooom... though, now that I think of it, I'm not sure it's wise to give both of us unfettered access...."

"But you have it, don't you? So wouldn't all Head Girls have it?" Tarma found herself smiling a bit wider.

"Yes, indeed." Tarma's smile was infectious; Cosmo found her mouth forming what was unmistakably a grin.

"So," Tarma leaned in conspiratorially, "are there closets in there? Or desks, or something that folks don't check very often?"

Cosmo looked up thoughtfully for a moment. "You know, now that you mention it, there are several trunks in there that look like they haven't been touched in years. Maybe even for generations of professors."

"Ohhhh!" Tarma got silent for a little bit, her face thoughtful, with a little bit of grin still lingering. She sipped at her firewhiskey and didn't even choke up this time. "Cosmo, what does a Head Girl do?"

"You mean, besides bore prefects during monthly meetings?" Cosmo rubbed her neck self-consciously, clearly fixated on those meetings.

"Oh, I don't get bored," Tarma replied, unaware that she wasn't addressing the question of whether the meetings were boring or not. "Besides which, they aren't boring, are they? Anyway, how often do you go into the staffroom? And do they keep track of who goes in there?"

"I'm not sure if those gargoyles, like, remember who goes in there or not, but I'm in there all the time and never get into any trouble."

Tarma nodded, seeming preoccupied and fiddling with the small glass of firewhiskey. "How's your lemonade?" she asked.

"Nice and cool, thanks." Eying Tarma suspiciously, Cosmo added, "What's on your mind?"

Tarma widened her eyes, attempting to look innocent. "Well, you know, I need to know my way around; I've not been to the staffroom before." She surreptiously stuffed something into her bag which had been starting to tip out when she sat back in her chair.

Cosmo pretended not to see Tarma slouching strangely in the general direction of her bag, which seemed to be bulging oddly.

After forcing her bag closed, Tarma sat up again and looked at Cosmo. "Well. So I'm asked to be Head Girl. Well. So, what can be done, as Head Girl?"

"No, no, no, that's the wrong question. What can't be done, as Head Girl?" Cosmo said with a grin.

"OH! You're right. Scratch that. Okay, what can't be done, as Head Girl!?"

"So far, I haven't found anything."

Tarma was excited. "REALLY? But what have you done? Like, how can one make life a little more interesting if one is Head Girl?"

Cosmo shifted uncomfortably. "Not much, really. Yeah, I know. All this power, and I sit here, doing nothing with it."

"What a waste!" Tarma muttered. "Anything you wish you had done? You know, this is our last year here. We need to make it memorable, don't you think?" Tarma began picturing her heroes, Fred and George Weasley, and how she could best follow in their footsteps.

"We do. They should be talking about Black and Brown for next hundred years!"

"So... do you need another lemonade?" Tarma's mind was obviously not on the lemonade, as Cosmo's glass was still half full, but on possible plots; it was just a stalling tactic, to give her more time to scheme.

Cosmo shook her head. "No, I think, if we're going to make our mark, we need to get started now." That infectious grin she caught from Tarma had grown into a wide smile.

Tarma grinned back. "Then, let's go?" and she got up from the table, leaving the rest of her firewhiskey sitting in the glass.

"Let's do this thing."

They left the Three Broomsticks and walked into the hot sunshine playing over High Street. Avoiding the other Hogwarts students and other folks of Hogsmeade, they walked back towards Hogwarts. Once past hearing distance, they started talking again.

"Cosmo, did you see Professor Kimil? I saw him going into the Hog's Head Inn. I wonder what he was doing there?"

"Oh, don't mind him. He's just part of the Head Office, so what can he do?"

"Oh, I don't mind him, but you know, I wonder... he keeps eating those pig brain tacos. Do the professors keep their food someplace in the staffroom? Like a refrigerator or something?"

"I... don't want to think about those pig brain tacos." Cosmo made a face at the thought of them. "Besides, we have bigger things to think about than professors' food."

"Because if they do," Tarma continued, "then someone might just accidentally turn those pig brains into maybe... pineapple fritters or even fried eggs or something."

"We don't want to turn them into anything good. I mean, c'mon."

Tarma blinked. "Oh yeah." She walked a few steps. "What about turning them into.... Oh, I know!! Gurdyroots!"

"With a stinksap gravy!"

"Wonderful!! Yes! And then, if there are any other food stuffs in there... in the fridge... they could turn colours, don't you think?"

"Only if they're sickly, gross colors."

"Like oh, I know, like rancid green or bilious pink or sickly yellow." Tarma nodded excitedly. "This is so cool. I had no idea that a Head Girl could have this much fun!!" She walked on a bit more, walking slower and slower. Then she stopped and turned to Cosmo. "You know what else we could do? We could short sheet all the beds in the dorms. Except our own, of course."

"No, we'd have to do ours, too. Throw 'em off, you see."

"Oh, yeah...."

Tarma started walking towards Hogwarts again, but very slowly. "And... we could lock all the doors to all the classrooms. Stuff the keyholes with permanent sticking charms or something. It'd be too bad if any professors were locked into their classrooms," she grinned.

"That's all fine," Cosmo said, sounding a little anxious, "but we need something really... epic, or else we're just playing games."

"Epic? Like what?"

"See, I don't know, that's the problem. I thought you were Queen of Mischief, anyway."

"Queen of Mischief? Me?" Tarma laughed. "Well, Fred and George, they're the stuff of Hogwarts legend and I just try to live up to them, you know?"

"What's the biggest thing you wanna do? I mean, besides kidnap people? Yeah, that's gonna be hard to top," Cosmo added, mostly to herself.

"I didn't kidnap them really! Didn't you know that? It was all that Cassie person. She forced me and Alexia to do it. But anyway... oh, I know!!!!" Tarma started laughing so hard she started coughing. "Oh, oh! Wouldn't it be funny as all get out if all the professors' robes turned pink? And every time they tried to fix it they'd make it even pinker?"

"For the Sorting Ceremony!"

"YES!! Right at the beginning of the year! And no one would even suspect us of doing it! So that would leave us free to continue with mischief, for a while anyway."

Tarma's eyes were gleaming with excitement of the mischief they were planning. "So we do that first, and then take care of the pig brains?"

"Yeah, 'cause who would suspect two Head Girls of doing anything so dastardly?"

"Exactly!!"

"Maybe the pig brains could be first, so we can work on the precision of our colour spells." Cosmo always did like to have a good practice run on anything.

"Good idea, because we'll have to make the color spells as unfixable as possible. And, the pig brains would be easy, really. Oh, but if that is the case, then we can't change the colours of the food in the fridge because that is too similar to changing the colour of the robes; it would be an obvious tie-in."

"Oh, right. Can't go to the colour-changing well back-to-back."

"Yeah." Tarma sighed happily. "Still, who says that Head Girls can't have fun?"

"Not me," Cosmo grinned.

They turned in at the Hogwarts entrance, Tarma's grin echoing Cosmo's. "Well, I guess I better let the Head Office know I accept, eh?"

"And get your staffroom key."

"Yes, go scout out the territory," and she winked at Cosmo.

Winking back, Cosmo didn't see the smooth rock partially embedded in the path. Her foot caught it, and she stumbled. "This is gonna be a good year," she said to herself as she watched Tarma head toward the Head Office.

To Be Continued...