The Kelsey and Wylie Show
What happens when you cross a Head Girl, Jude Law and a bit of shoddy spellwork?
Part TwoWell firstly, may I welcome you to the Wylie and Kelsey show (yes, Wylie and Kelsey) because Kelsey is off sick today due to an unfortunate accident with a toilet and Judeboy. Firstly, I wish to offer my support to the toilet.
Leah Samson - Ahh, thank you very much, both Kelsey and Wylie *g*, you mean, the toilet that needs flushing?
Wylie Weasley - Well as you know last month I told Kelsey to get over her problem with the toilet and she done this to a certain standard but not a very high standard.
LS - I see
WW - The story is that there was this boy who Kelsey like called Judeboy, and well, in a sort of looking out for my friend way, I made some severe comments about Judeboy.
LS - Was Kelsey happy about it?
WW - Well... Kelsey kind of went in a huff (as she usually does - fortunately she didn't hit me this time). Well she went to visit the talking toilet, and well, if you're upset the talking toilet is not the best person to go and see.
LS - What did the toilet say to Kelsey?
WW - The toilet made jokes and well, Kelsey, in anger, (by the way the anger management classes didn't work), flushed the toilet, and that was a big mistake. The toilet launched itself at Kelsey and tried to swallow her, unfortunately Kelsey was too big and the toilet almost choked and 'cause there was water in the toilet Kelsey almost drowned, very very unfortunate.
LS - What did the toilet actually say?
WW - Well the toilet made comments towards Judeboy that were questioning his sexuality.
LS - Oh dear *bg*
WW - Therefore Kels can't join us tonight, but luckily enough the show still goes on. As everyone can probably tell we are "fortunate" to have with us HOL's greatest student Head Girl Leah. (She was all I could get at such short notice.)
Kelsey Willow, hiding in the shadows, shh. - At this point, Wylie decided to act as though the interview hadn't started. Bad mistake, Wylie... I've been watching you, my dear, and I've seeeeen it all. I'll get you back for your comments about Judeboy, JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE! *shifty eyes*
LS - Hello! :)
WW - Well, Leah, how are you this fine SUNNY day?
LS - Quite jolly, actually. I've just been on the wrong end of a huge homework pileup
WW - Are you feeling privileged to be on the finest chat show HOL has to offer?
LS - Very *g*
WW - Well can I ask if you are very disappointed that Kelsey couldn't make it today?
LS - I aaaaaam disappointed! I pine for Kels!
WW - Why?!
LS - Because she can't make it today :'( I guess she's got something out there that's more important than me
WW - No she's just in hospital feeling sorry for herself, as usual, anyway, she deserves it slightly 'cause she's always attacking me for some strange reason, I don't know why. I think she loves me to be honest.
LS - Hah, I'm sure she does, deep down *G*
WW - Okay, your headship, tell me, as Headgirl, what is your most fantastic privilege you have (apart from being on shows like this).
LS - Hmmmm! good question, well, I get to parade around wearing a fancy badge, aaaand I get to enjoy the head students' bathroom, which comes built-in with a special massage seat.
WW - Will you let me try out one day?
LS - Hmmmm maybe, if you're good
WW - I always am good, so that's a yes, when shall we meet up then.
KW - Right... I think I need to make an appearance now. Oh Wyyyyliiiiiiie, Mwahahahahahaaaaaa.
LS - Hah, I'd like to ask Kelsey that question ;)
KW - Ask me what question?
LS - Is Wylie a good boy, usually?
KW - NO!
WW - What, why are you here? You were sick.
LS - Well, I'm afraid we may have to postpone your appointment with the massage-chair ;)
KW - Well, DEAR, I *am* your worst nightmare...
WW - Yes, you are.
KW - This is your worst nightmare coming truuuuue.
LS - Especially since she can talk.
(KW - Yes, my being able to talk really IS Wylie's idea of Armageddon.)
WW - Excuse me, do you know you are intruding in on the Wylie and Kelsey show uninvited? Get lost.
KW - It's the Kelsey and Wylie show, actually. And you know you missed me, you can't deny it.
LS - You two fight like siblings... or something *G*
KW - And Leah's on MY SIDE.
(KW - At this point, our guest began twiddling her thumbs in an attempt to look innocent. We're unsure as to what prompted her to fidget, but we're almost certain that our argument had absolutely nothing to do with it.)
WW - Excuse me, Leah just invited me to the head students' bathroom so erm I think I know who she likes more.
LS - HAH!
KW - Hahahahahahaaaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaar, Yeah, right. As a prefect I think I have more right to be visiting the head students' bathroom. You lowly student, you. Aaaaaanyway. We both know that you missed me. You can't deny it because you're too jealous of Judeboy.
WW - Yes well you can think what you want, and prefect is as high as you will get; Head Student? Don't make me laugh! If you ever, and I mean ever, make it to Head Girl I will eat my shorts.
(KW - Yes, you should all know. Wylie likes to pretend that he's a certain spiky-haired, yellow skinned cartoon character. Isn't that an interesting fact, readers?)
KW - Wylie... stop trying to pretend that you're not jealous and ask Leah some questions.
WW - Excuse me for a minute, Leah, I really don't know why she's here, she knows that I was doing the show today.
LS - Hah!
KW - Oh, I'm sorry, who is the only one who can submit this? What's that, was that KELSEY I heard?
WW - Well, I can, me and Olivia (first name terms are really close she's like my best friend)
KW - HAHAHA, only because you slapped her with a trout
WW - Shut up! That was not meant to happen, I meant to slap you.
(KW - Wylie's aim is awful, I mean, he couldn't whack a moo in the butt with a shovel. That's how bad it is.)
KW - Anyway, Leah, since Wylie is being a butt, I'll have to ask questions.
LS - HAH!
KW - How about this one...
WW - Leah, I'll try to continue the interview; she'll probably keep interrupting.
KW - What do you think of Jude Law look-alikes?
WW - Yes good question... Jude Law look-alikes are completely a waste of time. If you have one Jude Law why have another.
LS - Hrmm I agree with Wylie on that one. One Jude Law is enough for me
KW - *stunned*
WW - Thank you, and anyway Jude Law is not that great.
KW - I'm not even going to dignify such, such, erm, Iveforgottentheword answers with a response.
LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT IT WASN'T THE FANGIRL WHO BROUGHT THE NEXT PERSON UP!
WW - I think we should maybe discuss another famous(ish) person. Darren Hayes
KW - Thin. Ice.
LS - Darren Hayes is pretty cool
KW - HAH!
WW - Let me ask you, Leah, what is your opinion, as a very intelligent person, of Darren Hayes.
LS - Well, I've heard a couple of songs by him, he's obviously a well-trained singer, even though his style and voice might not appeal to everyone
WW - So you think he's rubbish.
KW - *taps foot*
LS - To be honest, I haven't heard his new album, but I like his Savage Garden stuff
KW -*sings the ha-ha-Wylie song*
WW - Well, Leah, I have a question. I was wondering if it would be possible if you could, like, get me a Head Boy badge, you know for when I become Head Boy.
LS - You'll have to take that up with Mr. Bigglesworth and Mr. Whisp, since it will be their badges I'd be taking, but! I can get you a head boy cap ;). Like those FDNY caps you can get in New York
*Wylie puts on his headboy cap*
At this point, Wylie launched himself at our dear Miss Samson and left it up to me, the one who wasn't even supposed to be a part of this month's article, to sum up his farcical attempt at running it without me. I think you'll all agree with me when I say that Leah has been a fantastic guest, I'll need to catch up with her to apologise for my colleague's conduct, though.
*Leah and Wylie roll out of the room fighting for the Head Girl badge. Wylie returns to the room wearing the Head Girl badge.
WW - I think it actually suits me. She actually hurt me there but I tricked her easily, she's away chasing a dancing badge that looks like the Head Girl badge around the main hall, just now. I definitely think that you should never go away again otherwise I'm stuck interviewing guests like that. Please don't ever go away again Kelsey, I need you here with me. OKAY!
Sadly (or not), what Wylie didn't realise was that he had bewitched the wrong badge. He ended up wearing the dancing badge, and had to spend a few days under the wing of the mediwitch as a result. Leah got her original badge back, but now my shiny prefect's badge is missing... I wonder where it went...
OOOOH WYYYYLIIIIIIEEE...