Weird Wizarding Dilemmas
Ceit Uiseag

*Disclaimer* The Agony Witch takes no responsibility for any harm done to one's person or property caused by inappropriate use of the advice contained below...and that includes singed nostril-hair, green feet, and persistently somersaulting rabbits. *nods*

Well, I was scouring out a project in a fume hood, and the whole thing just instantly burst into flames. What happened there?! From Dolly Bulge, Hufflepuff

Well, Dolly dear, it would appear that said project contained frozen ashwinder eggs (were you making a love potion?)…and you know what happens if heat is applied to those! While melting what you were working on, the ashwinder eggs ignited, causing said inferno. I assume, since you're still here to ask this question, that your freezing charms are excellent! Next time you're working with ashwinder eggs, a muggle form of cleaning up would be recommended.


Help! I tried to do a hair-styling charm and turned my brother into a wombat!!!
(then again, if you can't help...that's okay too....he doesn't bother me this way...) From Juliette de Winter, Hufflepuff)

Ooh, can you give me the charm? Please?
Ok, no, I don't really want my brother to be a wombat, and I'm sure YOUR brother doesn't want to be a wombat either!
So instead of charming your hair to be thick and full, you gave your brother a furry coat and transfigured him into a wombat…*goes away to do some SERIOUS research on the subject*…*returns three days later*…
Okay, Miss de Winter, what I recommend is taking your brother to a qualified mediwizard to be untransfigured…I did find a spell to reverse the damage, but due to the convoluted path by which he became a wombat, there's a good chance he could end up re-transfigured and permanently stuck in the form of a parsnip if the spell was performed on him by a non-medically-trained witch or wizard, and I'm sure you really don't want that!


*Blushes deeply* I kind of…was trying to levitate my brother but instead of that…he kinda...flew…Into a wall…
Yeah...let's just say I got into a bit of trouble…so I was wondering if maybe you could help me figure this out before I hurt him more… (On purpose…*coughs* Never said that) From Kamika Farinas, Hufflepuff

Wow, you lot really don't like your brothers, huh? I think your problem here seems to be excess enthusiasm, combined with trying to levitate a rather heavier object than recommended! You should try to soften your voice when charming whatever you're trying to levitate…the more force put into the incantation, the more…drastic…the results…which is understandable with brothers, I suppose…good luck! Oh, and you might want this tin of Wizarding Wall-Filler…


Dearest Ceit,
Every time I try to use my wand, it sets off green sparks and flies out of my hands and smashes against the nearest person. Help! From Leana Morrison, Hufflepuff

Dear Leana, it would seem that the unicorn that gave your wand its core is a little temperamental…its effect is to make your wand extremely temperamental! I would recommend lightly waxing your wand with glumbumble treacle, which should counteract its hysterical tendencies. You should repeat this as required, but you may eventually want to pay a visit to Ollivander's for another wand!

Dear Ceit,
Every time I make a polyjuice potion instead of turning into the person I wanted to, I turn into a red ball with pink spikes and purple dots, and stay that way for 3 hours. This has happened 3 times already and I'm getting desperate, do you know what might be wrong with my potion?
thank you for your help, Talya Mamush, Hufflepuff

Dear Talya, I think the problem with the potion (apart from the fact that you evidently got into the restricted section of the library and I have never managed it) is that you are adding too much boomslang skin…I've heard it has very amusing…er, I mean distressing…side-effects if the recommended dose is exceeded. Either that or you're unwittingly adding fluff from a Weasley jumper as well?


Dear Ceit,
Two weeks ago, my cat ate the leftovers of my potion homework and she now coughs up fur balls that actually run and hide under the furniture.
I generally like beasts of all sorts, but they've been nesting under my grandfather clock and it now seems like I have a moving carpet covering every inch of floor in my house!!!
Can you help me find a good spell to get rid of them without hurting the poor little things???
Oh...and my cat wants to ask you if you can help her too
From Elyranna Reginhart, Hufflepuff

Dear Elyranna, I think your potions homework transfigured the cat's fur balls into Puffskeins…somehow! The best thing to do is try and collect them all, put them in cages, and take them to Diagon Alley – I'm sure the Magical Menagerie would be delighted to take them off your hands! As for your poor cat…see if you can get hold of a bezoar, and grind it up into fine powder. Sprinkle a little of it over her food every meal, and it will settle her stomach, until she stops coughing up the furballs. It should only take a few days.