Serpentine Scoop: A peep into Slytherin House
By - Jessie Barren (Gryffindor)

Or perhaps in Slytherin
You'll make your real friends
Those cunning folk use any means
To achieve their ends.


When I was assigned the task of spying on Slytherin House, instead of exhilaration at my new job, what I felt was definite dread. The prospect of sneaking down and about the dimly lit dungeons I seldom frequented robbed me of my sleep, but one night after classes, I eventually crept down the creaking stairs to the grand doorways that lead to the domain of the Slytherins. Thus, began my mission.


The Slytherins of HOL are renowned for their three chief fancies – salad dressing, cheese, and Constant Vigilance. The very able prefects lead the students in seven groups – Incognito, The BlackLuck of Slytherin, Serpientes del Encanto, Glowing Mutant Broccoli, Slytherin Marauders, The Scuking Nephilim, and Salazar's Salad Servants. Prefect Nexi Ignatius manages the Slytherin RPG Character Page, an area that helps you get acquainted with the RPG personas of the Slytherins. The Slytherin Gallery of artwork is handled by Icicle K. Black while prefects Kat Shields and Michelle Scott lead the Slytherin Cheerleading Squad, and faithfully guard the legendary poison green pompoms we've so often heard about.


Like all other houses, Slytherins also have a system of house awards. The monthly honours of Singular Slytherin, Sagacious Slytherin, Smug Snake, and Snake in the Grass are awarded for remarkable “Slytherin-esque” service to the house, most house points achieved, unerring humour and satire, for exceptional performance or brilliant feats achieved respectively. The Serpentine Professor Award and the Special Services to Slytherin Award are bestowed only by strong nomination. The Salazar's Slytherin Spirit Award is given away once in a year to the student who displays the prized traits of the true Slytherin, and is a role model for the house.


The Slytherin Library, now, is a well-lit place with the grand entrance adorned with the words “Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested”. The Holly comics, short books, poetry, short stories, and schoolbooks have varied effects on the readers – they might make you cry, or make you laugh, and may even touch your soul (if you dare take the chance and hang around long enough to read them through, but beware of Basil!). The resident basilisk restlessly protects the dorms and certain areas of the Common Room too, so it's impossible even for a spy to sneak in. The Visitor's Area of the Slytherin Common Room has also been sealed off recently, due to the unprecedented attack of an intruding troll.


What struck me most wondrous while snooping behind the cobweb curtains of the dungeons, was however, the system of the Slytherins to recognize the number of posts the students made in their forum. Similar to the brooms awarded to HOLers at the main forum, Slytherin students are honoured with forum pets. While the newest of the newbies might be made into Basil Snacks (that basilisk must be so well-fed!), the seniors are usually found pampering their tree boas and anacondas.


Slytherins are, of course, known equally for their fashionable tastes, and of late, serpentine style had comprised largely of long, billowing robes and cloaks in richly embroidered satin and velvet. As for colours, dark shining greens, thrilling greys, grey-blues and every imaginable shade of black were all the rage. Crossover (of wizarding and muggle trends) clothing has also been hot, combining long with short, and topping of with the absolute necessity – the house scarf.


The Serpent Society of the house is the place for gossip and scandal concerning the Slytherins, and it was sheer luck by which I managed a sneak peek into their latest reports. It turns out that the Slytherin Prefects are not what they seem (you didn't expect them to be, did you?), just as no prefect of the other houses are what they seem. Eyewitnesses report that one of them was seen sacrificing goats in the name of Lord Havoc in the bathroom. We have, of course, heard about the room of inverted pentagrams and the rumours about the underwear of a certain Slytherin, sheltering an entire universe. Sources have it that one prefect, who is in the habit of threatening students to eat them, survives on a diet comprised largely of Luna bars and chocolate soymilk. One of the prefects has even admitted of an intricate plan to overthrow Hufflepuff house from within, as a part of which, she herself is striving to decoy their paper (yes, the one you're reading right now) at which she works occasionally.


At this point, I had stumbled across the Slytherin Prefect Bathroom, in front of which the house pets were rampaging with signs and posters for house points. One of them, a young lethifold, was apparently looking for “a fine lady” (or so I perceived from the sign he held), and so I deemed it better to get away for the time. On my escape out, the house calendar caught my attention, and so let's take this opportunity to wish the Slytherins who turn another year older next month – Happy birthday Viola King and Darcey Goode!